Depending on what you did – personally or professionally, there are some people who constantly criticize you for your doings. For the general crowd who fails to face the challenges and ace at their doings, they tend to hide behind the walls. Their extent of hiding however varies. However, both personal and professional success depends on being able to take criticism in your stride. Plus, if you can learn to put aside your ego and use even harsh criticism to get better, you’ll have a powerful tool that can propel you forward personally and professionally.

Why do they target you?

A key question is why people always tend to criticize you and let you down. There are lots of reasons people offer criticism. Below are a few possible reasons why your acquaintance targets you to criticize:

• They are threatened by your competence, so they are trying to level the playing field.
• They have a concern about your motivation, skill level, performance or contribution.
• They feel you are not doing your share of the work or being a team player.
• They have a strong unmet need that is not being satisfied.

Ways to make them constructive

Three important requirements for negative feedback to be constructive are:

• It’s compassionate: People should give criticism in a way that indicates care for the recipient, and it should come from someone the recipient respects.
• It’s specific: Criticism should target the appropriate elements of the recipient’s performance and offer specific guidance for improvement.
• It’s a match: Criticism should align with the recipient’s emotions and motivation.

You can use this list as a way to determine if a critic is trying to help or harm you.

How to react to criticism:

Human beings, naturally, are defensive to defend their character and integrity. But defend yourself in a way that demonstrates your leadership. Here are six ways to respond to criticism and maintain your self-respect:

• Listen before you speak: Listen to learn and understand. The better you understand where the person is coming from, the better you will be able to address the situation.
• Ask questions: When it is time to respond, start with questions. It is easy to go into attack mode. But questions help you stay clear of forceful or confrontational language and assertions.
• Talk with another person to gain perspective: Perspective comes with hindsight, but try to get it contemporaneously, too. If you have the opportunity and feel comfortable, share the situation with a colleague, friend or family member. This third-person might be able to look at the situation more objectively than you.